Bon Iver Takes Poop On Grammys

So there's been tons and TONS of hype lately over Bon Iver, aka Justin Vernon, the 'recluse,' the man who escaped to the mountains to write music, the man who turned down performing at the Grammys...don't worry, I'll get to that later. For those of you who aren't as keen on the Bon Iver trip (pronounced bone-e-ver, a lot of people mess this up...case in point: 'Do you guys have the knew Bon I-Ver record on vinyl?!?!' No. We don't), is a folk rock band that seems to be blowing up at alarming rates, for what reason, I am not sure. They came out with their debut album, For Emma, Forever Ago, back in 2007, and I must admit, I was a fan at the time. It was nice and soothing and great to listen to when depressed about pretty much anything and everything. Vernon recorded most of the album over a three month period in a log cabin somewhere out in the boonies of Wisconsin. I can't hate the man for wanting to escape – many artists try escape city-life to craft some more in-touch-with-nature tunes. So, when we get to talking about the whole Grammy-sitch, keep that it in mind, Vernon is trying to maintain this whole Salinger-esque musician status.

For Emma came and went with some praise from the indie-folk-rock world. People knew about Bon Iver, and they sort of just assumed they were one of the five billion bands in the world trying to make it big with some soft, folky, sad songs. It wasn't until a couple of years later that Bon Iver really got the attention they 'deserved.' It's as if someone pulled For Emma out of a stack of old promos at Pitchfork and was like - hey, let's make this shit big, dude's got a gnarly beard and kind of sounds like Tracy Chapman. And POOF there it goes into the stratosphere of all things cool! Cuz Pitchfork Said So. All the big guns jumped on the Bon band-wagon, from The Rolling Stones to NPR. Everyone was so excited about the track 'Skinny Love' and about the album as a whole – it instantly became a top hit on iTunes, pretty much going viral overnight.


Here, listen to this while you read my post and shed a tear or two.


I'm not sure if this sudden success is what made Vernon all righteous and all-powerful, or if he was simply born with a guitar shoved up his sad, little but-hole. Either way, when he dropped his self-titled album, Bon Iver, (self-titled second album, do I smell someone who thinks they're hot-ish?) in 2011, everyone went pretty much buck wild. So at this point, Vernon is practically kissing himself in the mirror while stroking his bushel of facial hair. Next in line? Vernon starts a little duo side projecto with the most poised and well-spoken celeb-'musician' to date, Kayne West, and collabs with Gayngs on some R&B tracks. He's clearly stepping into the limelight intentionally; how many folk artists work with Kayne West? I mean pretty much whatever Kayne does or says is public knowledge within minutes.

That brings us to the Grammys. Here's where all the drama and pretentiousness comes in. In an interview with the Times Vernon practically poops all over the Grammys by saying something to the nature of, "let's not pretend that talking about this is important." Playing it cool, no doubt. What indie mogul wants it to be known that they actually care about the Grammys? So mainstream = so lame in that world. Little did he know he would be nominated for four Grammys just a few months later. Then, he would be asked to perform. And then he would 'surprise everyone! gasp!' Vernon was told that in order to perform for the Grammys they'd have to collab with another artist. He was never against collaborating before! Certainly not when it came to say, Alicia Keys, he was more than willing to spread his little fragile wings and fly. But not this time. Nope. He wanted the stage all for himself.

"Fuckin' rock n' roll should not be decided by people that have that job. Rock n' roll should be the fucking people with guitars around their backs. And their friends. And their managers." That little gem was what Vernon said in response to the joint-venture the humble folks at the Grammys suggested. Here comes the whole down-with-the-man persona he tries to embody. "There's a big misunderstanding-- I don't want to sell music." If you ask me, he wanted center stage, with the light shining right down on his sweaty little brow, so all of America could look at each other and say - 'Wow who is this Bon I-ver, he's great.'

Here's what it would have looked like.