The 80s, Demystified

Ah yes, the 80s, a time when hair was big, sitcoms were funny, and life was much, much simpler. Many of us (assumption #1) wish that we could have at least spent some of our adult youth basking in the neon ambiance that is the 80s. Most of us, however, (assumption #2), were born onto this earth in the early 90s, and were forced to grow up listening to Hoobastank and Incubus, and maybe even N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys, gasp! We thought we were cool (assumption #3, at least I did) for being into those kinds of 'atlernative-rock VH1 bands' at such a young age, but we were really all sadly mistaken. We had no idea what came before us, and that's why I think it's time we take a step back and examine the decade we just missed, the 80s.

~*(([[Glam Metal]]))*~

Bands: Twisted Sister, Motley Crue, Def Leppard, Whitesnake

 Style: The genre itself is also known as 'Hair Metal,' so what do you expect? Huge, teased hair, ridiculous makeup, tight clothes, lots of bulging crotches.

Sound: Fusion of heavy metal and hard rock with poppy, catchy choruses and riffs

What Happened?: People realized that ugly guys dressed up like women who play crappy music isn't such a turn on after all. Also, alternative rock came around and put an end to the madness. 

So. Hott.

Alternative Rock

Bands: Violent Femmes, Sonic Youth, The Feelies

 Style: Dirty, kind of grunge-y, flannel wearers, holes in jeans, lots of coffee and cigs and probably quite a bit of drugs as well, basement show-dwellers, clad in over-sized sweaters

Sound: Mixing a multitude of influences, mainly folk and punk music, with some traditional rock 'n roll aesthetics, basically making one of the best genres around (this is not an opinion, this is a fact).

What Happened?: Alternative rock is still around today in some form, thank God. It has, of course, manifested itself over time, and truly evolved into a new and unique form in the 90s, but that is for another time. 

Sonic Youth in cartoon form on The Simpsons.

New Wave

Bands: The Cure, Devo, New Order, The Smiths

 Style: Bright colors, bold patterns – if not that then the complete opposite, black/gothic looking style or just generally looking very strange or abnormal, to go along with the fact that your music makes you sound like a crazy person! (ahem, Devo....)

Sound: It's a more complex version of punk rock, with a boat load, and I mean a boat load, of synths. Lots of electronic sounds rounded off the punk feel and made it a wee bit softer.

What Happened?: Evolution, that's what! New wave music ended up influencing a lot of the house music and techno music we have today, believe it or not, and it's still considered to be a sub-genre of alternative rock.

Can I get a hoo-ah for alt. rock?